I feel like a tennis ball being hit back and forth on the court. Except it’s not two sisters competing to win a trophy that has me feeling this way. It’s my own neurotic self that is causing me to feel emotional whiplash. What subject is causing me this internal strife? Well it’s the subject that causes all of us or most immature but deepest struggle – love.
Now my turmoil isn’t over one person. I’m not still stuck on an ex (sorry boys!). In fact, it’s quiet the opposite. I’ve grown too accustomed being by myself. That mixed with my overall anxiety (especially when meeting new people one on one) has me feeling like Rhonda Rousey’s face after it met Holly Holm’s fists. Bruised, swollen, and bleeding.
It’s not that I don’t want to find love and be with someone. That’s far from the truth. I’m lonely a lot of the time, but at the same time I love my alone time. I need my alone time. Being around people for too long (on some days being around them at all) drains me completely and requires time alone to recharge. So how do I find someone when all I want is to be left alone?
Maybe that’s the question of my life. The lesson I’m supposed to learn. Hopefully somewhere a long the way I’ll find “the one,” but I don’t think it’s as easy as going to the humane society and adopting a cat or dog (you all know I’ll be choosing a cat!). If you happen to know of a place like that, let me know! Meanwhile, I’ll continue the back and forth of feeling lonely and not wanting anyone near me till I figure this shit out…